i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
