They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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