How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
