i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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