I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
