Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
