So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
