I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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