but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found puke in my bra..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
