So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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