you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
