is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Buhtt sex?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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