Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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