hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
