Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
