at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
