He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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