we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
