P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
