How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
