We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
