You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
