Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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