Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
