I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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