Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
