So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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