meet me or not, i'm out of control
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
