Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
