Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
