evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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