chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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