Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
