fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
