She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
