and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
