I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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