On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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