Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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