So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
