Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
