thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
