So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
