We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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