just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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