I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
