i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
