peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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