I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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