He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
