Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
