Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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