hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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